


Do Won Kyung Lost

by Thierry_Lei



Category: VIXX
Genre: Hopeful Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 12:45:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11013699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thierry_Lei/pseuds/Thierry_Lei
Summary: At the VIXX exhibition for their 5th anniversary, Wonshik saw a photograph of him and Taekwoon. It brought back memories of earlier days. When they were lovers. But those days had gone by.





	Do Won Kyung Lost

**Author's Note:**

> One of things that was organized to celebrate the 5th anniversary (24th May 2012 - 24th May 2017) of VIXX was an exhibition. E.g. Hongbin's Playstations are on display, photo's that were taken from VIXX members etc.  
> The exhibition runs from Wednesday 24th May 2017 until Sunday 04th June 2017.  
> At that exhibition there's a [photograph](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DAj_tobW0AUMO7W.jpg) of Ravi and Leo, that's the inspiration for this (ficitional) story.
> 
> Not beta read.  
> And English isn't my first language, not even my second. :P  
> Also posted on Asianfanfics under the same authorname.  
> 
> 
> * * *

"Hakyeon-hyung!" Wonshik saw Cha Hakyeon a short distance in front of him, where he walked with Lee Jaehwan, Lee Hongbin and Han Sanghyuk. They stopped and turned to Wonshik.  
"Anything the matter, Wonshik-ah?" Hakyeon was a bit nosy, but hey, that was his prerogative as leader. Hongbin, Sanghyuk and Jaehwan took this opportunity to eavesdrop on the conversation. They had finished their VLive at the exhibition for VIXX's 5th anniversary, and were going to return to the dorm. But Kim Wonshik had other plans.

"Would you mind if I stayed longer at the exhibition?" Wonshik continued. "At several points I got distracted a bit, and couldn't get a good look at whatever we were seeing." The others had indeed noticed the absentmindedness of Wonshik during the VLive, but especially at the photowall. They all thought that Wonshik was overwhelmed by the memories these evoked in him. To a certain extent they were right.

Hakyeon seemed to think for a little while, before he looked up again. He searched around and found their manager. "Laon-hyung!" Their manager came nearer. "Would it be too inconvenient for you to drive us home and than go back again to this exhibition and pick up Wonshikkie and Taekwoonie? They both would like to stay here a little bit longer."  
"No problem, Cha Hakyeon-ssi," Laon answered. "There aren't any schedules for the rest of the day and my planner is also clear. I wouldn't mind to return here, and maybe look around for a bit too."  
"Nice, well, that's good then. You have each other's phone numbers, haven't you?" Hakyeon asked, just to be sure. When both Laon and Wonshik nodded, Hakyeon showed a satisfied smile. "Good, that's arranged then."

"In that case I'll bring you," their manager indicated Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Hongbin and Sanghyuk, "back to the dorm, then return here. It gives me the opportunity to look around the exhibition. And when you both want to return to the dorm," Laon turned towards Wonshik, "just phone me, and I'll get the car ready. Could you also tell that to Jung Taekwoon-ssi?"  
"Sure, hyung," Wonshik answered. "And if it's really urgent you can call us, we'll come to where ever you want to meet us."  
"Good, let's do that. I'll be going then. See you later, Kim Wonshik-ssi." Sanghyuk, Hongbin and Jaehwan also said their goodbyes to Wonshik and accompanied Laon, who walked to the exit of the building.

"Well," Hakyeon began, "see you la.." He was interrupted by a vice like grip that encircled his wrist. Hakyeon frowned at Wonshik, whose hand had detained him so effectively.  
"Wonshik-ah...?"  
With a whispering voice, that sounded a bit fiercer than he would have liked, Wonshik asked Hakyeon: "Taekwoon-hyung? He is still at the exhibition? Why?"  
"He wanted..." Hakyeon started in his normal voice.  
"Ssshhhh..." Wonshik indicated that he should lower his volume, and looked around for other people, who could be standing near them. There weren't any, but still...

Now also whispering, Hakyeon continued: "Wonshik-ah? What's going on?"  
"I just want to know. What is Taekwoon-hyung still doing at this exhibition."  
"He wanted to do the same as you, Wonshik-ah. Give some exhibits a better look. What's the matter with that?"  
Wonshik bit a few times on his lower lip, before he answered: "Nothing. There's nothing the matter. I was... I was just... surprised. Yeah... surprised."

Hakyeon sensed that there was more going on, than Wonshik wanted to tell. But he had also learned, that sometimes it was better to give the others some time and space to figure things out for themselves. He had done it before when it concerned Jung Taekwoon and Kim Wonshik. And they had never disappointed him. This was apparently one of those times. Hakyeon would contain his curiosity, and refrain from prying.

"If anything goes wrong, call me, all right?" Hakyeon whispered to Wonshik, while a look of worry flashed over his face, before it disappeared in his usual sunny demeanor.  
"Will do, hyung," Wonshik whispered back, while he could not hide the relief he felt, because Hakyeon had not asked any further.  
After a last goodbye and a wave, Hakyeon also walked towards the exit, and Wonshik stayed where he was, to see Hakyeon off, to see for himself that Hakyeon really left the hall.

When Wonshik was satisfied that Hakyeon had indeed left the building, he turned around and went back, back to the exhibition, towards that one thing he had seen, that had thrown him completely off balance. He wanted to see that photograph again, that he had seen on that photowall. He walked around, seemingly without any aim, but purposefully striding towards the photowall. As he was near, he stopped in his tracks, because there he saw ... Taekwoonie...

Jung Taekwoon stood before that wall, gazing at the photographs... no... staring at one particular photograph, the same that Wonshik had seen earlier, the same one that had caused a little turmoil inside him. A photograph where Taekwoon was lying flat on a couch, his arms outstretched on the couch above his head, staring up to Wonshik, who was bent over him, his hands pressing down Taekwoon's arms on the couch. Taekwoon was staring up to Wonshik, and Wonshik looked down on him.

Wonshik still knew how he had felt that day when that photograph was taken. He was totally smitten with Taekwoon, and Taekwoon's stare had bored right into his soul. Both had barely been able to contain themselves, to keep that secret from the other members, their managers and company, and their fans.

Slowly Wonshik walked up to Taekwoon and positioned himself at Taekwoon's left side. He turned his face towards the photowall, and stared at that photograph, from a time when he himself and Taekwoon were younger, happier and lost into each other.

* * *

It had grown during their trainee days, Wonshik admiring that silent, cold exterior of Taekwoon. He looked incredibly handsome, and attractive to Wonshik, who totally fell for Taekwoon when he heard him sing, while playing the piano. That clear high voice took his spirit to newer heights, made him imagine new things, brought inspirations for new songs.

That cold exterior that Taekwoon presented towards the world, was a slight problem in the beginning. Wonshik still remembered how Sanghyuk was terrified of Taekwoon. When the cameras were rolling Sanghyuk could barely hide how afraid he was of that silent black panther, whose gaze seemed to size him up, as if he was dinner. A single move of Taekwoon could make Sanghyuk shrink back into himself. Wonshik also remembered his first failed attempt to cement the relation between those two. His failed attempt however, only fired up his curiosity. He wanted to know more about this silent enigma, that spoke with a soft voice, but could belt out high notes, as if it was nothing.

So Wonshik started his campagin to win over Taekwoon. And bit by bit it worked. Especially when they debuted, and were sharing a dorm and schedules, that threw them together. He was lucky that Hakyeon was clingy, and on his own way tried to get Taekwoon to open up. This double assault, slowly broke down the barriers of Taekwoon. 

Wonshik and Taekwoon eventually shared each other's experiences in the company, the good and the bad ones. They shared each other's dreams about becoming idols. They shared each other's fears, hopes, family situations. They shared each other's feelings. And suddenly they discovered that they were lovers, who even shared their beds, when nobody else was around. 

But one thing they had promised each other: Nobody could find out. Not the other members of VIXX, not their managers or company, not their fans, and certainly not their families. An openly gay person already met with enough difficulties in life, in their society. Let alone one in the entertainment industry. They had seen what happened with Hong Seokcheon. When he came out, he was almost forced out of the entertainment industry. Eventually he came back though, but only after many, many struggles.

If Wonshik and Taekwoon both wanted to become an idol, wanted to pursue their career in music, they felt that they had no other choice, than to hide who they really were. And above all they had to hide that they were each other's lover. If anyone ever discovered that they were gay, and especially if they were lovers, it could destroy their careers, and the backlash on VIXX would be tremendous. It could even lead to the disbandment of VIXX.

That was a price they were not willing to pay. Not only their own lifes were connected to VIXX. Taekwoon and Wonshik also considered the lifes and careers of Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Hongbin and Sanghyuk. Their lifes and careers, their very futures could be affected. Even destroyed, if Taekwoon and Wonshik made a horrible mistake.

.

The effects of this relation were noticeable though, in another way. The songs and music that Wonshik wrote were affected by it. Even Taekwoon's music bore the effects of it. The other members of VIXX thought that they both had a rich imagination. The fun they both had in writing, composing and even producing, eventually stimulated Sanghyuk to try his hand at writing and composing too. Producing had to wait for a bit, for now.

Taekwoon's behavior changed considerably. His relation with Wonshik taught him, that there were enough others around, that he could trust. That he would not have to shut them out. And the first people outside of his family that earned that trust, were the other members of VIXX. Taekwoon eventually dared to drop his defenses, when there were no outsiders present, and no cameras rolling. His openness, his smiles, even his naughtiness caught Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Hongbin and Sanghyuk by surprise. But it was a pleasant surprise.

It took a bit longer before Taekwoon opened up like that, when there were fans or strangers around, or when the cameras were rolling. But that too changed, so that now in the present, he even felt no problems when asked to mimick Jaehwan's moves from Milky Way. And those gorgeous smiles that until now only were seen by firstly Wonshik, and later on, by the other VIXX members, were now seen by the Starlights and the rest of the world.

Sanghyuk even lost his fear for this lion hyung. He even threw Taekwoon around. But Sanghyuk was the only one allowed to do that. When Wonshik did it once, off camera, Taekwoon immediately replied back with a neck chop. "What? Why?" Wonshik asked. Taekwoon answered: "I only allow Sanghyuk to do that, he's the maknae. I will not allow any other person to do that to me. Not even you. Period. Unless..." Taekwoon got a naughty smirk, when his look flicked to a couch.

"O no," Wonshik said in shock, "we're in public hyung!!!"  
"Ok," Taekwoon answered. "Than I won't let you throw me around either. Period."  
Wonshik could only grumble, but it was a friendly grumble.  
Something about "... favoritism.... maknae only..." And Taekwoon grinned.

.

Wonshik himself felt a bit more relaxed, now he had at least somebody who he could share his burdens with. He could write and compose in a relaxed state, which was good for everybody. And he felt relaxed enough to play around with the others. Or do some stupid things. Preferably not with Sanghyuk, when that young giant lost a game due to Wonshik's stupidity, he sometimes retaliated. Like with a kick in the butt.

And if Wonshik and Taekwoon forgot themselves a bit, especially when there were cameras rolling, they would brush it off as fanservice, that got a bit out of hand. Or the try-out of something new, when they were caught in the dorm.

Something like that happened when that photograph was taken.

Wonshik and Taekwoon were caught playing with each other, which the others still found nearly incredible. They hadn't noticed that their play was nearing the edge of what was acceptable. Wonshik had pressed down Taekwoon's arms, and felt a tingling inside him when he saw those cat eyes boring inside his skull. He was sure that Taekwoon felt something similar.

In the course of time, Wonshik had learned to read the tiny movements of Taekwoon's face, how high or low his eyebrows were, how wide (or not) his eyes were opened, the angle of the tips of the lips. By combining all those little things he could usually reach a good estimate of what Taekwoon was feeling, or thinking. Where others saw a stoic empty face, Wonshik saw a living book that told him what was going on.

The click of the camera woke them up to the fact, that they were not alone. That there were strangers present, outsiders. And so they immediately hid everything they had felt, put it back in the deepest corners of their mind. That way they could present any outsider with faces of Ravi and Leo, instead of the faces of Wonshik and Taekwoon.

.

But this constant hiding eventually took it's toll. Wonshik would sometimes get more irritated. Taekwoon would sometimes act out of character. And at times it even spilt over into their recordings for variety shows or of their VIXX-tv shots. After a particular nasty episode, Hakyeon stepped in after they were in the dorm. The look with which Hakyeon had sent Jaehwan, Hongbin and Sanghyuk to their rooms, was one they had not seen very often. But it indicated that Hakyeon had more than enough, and would brook no resistance to whatever it was that he wanted.

"You two!" Hakyeon had gritted out, while he frowned deeply, which was a rarity. "Whatever it is, that's bothering you two, talk it out. I don't care how you do it, but DO it. Or else I will take care of it. And you won't like that." Hakyeon was fuming, and now he started to pace around too. "That clash of the two of you was litterally the straw that broke the back of ... no... it broke MY back. And almost VIXX's back. If you hadn't noticed: the staff was extremely uncomfortable, Sanghyuk was almost in tears, Hongbin did not smile at all, and Jaehwan... didn't you see? He didn't make any finger hearts!" Hakyeon took a breath and shouted: "NOT A SINGLE ONE!" 

Hakyeon stopped pacing, and glared at Taekwoon and Wonshik. He pointed at them both. "So whatever it is: TALK IT OUT. I don't care whether it's a difference of opinion over some musical compositions, a conflict about lyrics, distaste of the color scheme our coordis have chosen, or even a lover's spat..." Taekwoon's and Wonshik's eyes widened at those last words, and Hakyeon noticed.

"What? I'm supposed to be the leader, you know. I may be a social butterfly, a graceful darkskinned ballet dancer, who walks around with his head in heaven and his feet in hell, but I'm certainly not blind! So again: TALK IT OUT! You don't have to do it here in the dorm, if you feel uncomfortable, but do it. I'll talk to the managers that you both need some time off, that you needed to be somewhere else. Leave that to me, as long as you solve whatever is bothering you two. Got it?"

Taekwoon and Wonshik just looked dumbfounded at Hakyeon. They hadn't seen him this angry in a long time.

"GOT IT!!" Hakyeon repeated fiercely.  
Both Taekwoon and Wonshik just nodded.

.

It was a long talk, a tearful talk, a talk filled with apologies. A talk that pointed out disappointments, conflicts of interest, widening gaps. A talk that sought solutions, alternatives and possibilities. A talk that weighed each option, a talk about pro's and contra's, a talk about who they were and what they wanted, for themselves and from the others. But the conclusion that Taekwoon and Wonshik reached at last, was a painful one, one they would have loved to avoid, one they really didn't want:

They should break up. 

They had to.  
For their own well-being, and for the well-being of the others. Even when it hurted like hell.

And so, after a last kiss, they let go of each other. They felt awkward the first few days, for they could not avoid each other's presence, not in the dorm, not on their schedules, let alone during their performances. Especially when some skinship was required. But eventually the awkwardness subsided. And they fell into a practiced routine that they both were comfortable with.

One thing that Wonshik was glad of, was that he and Taekwoon had at least a good talk before they broke up. They managed to get rid of any misunderstanding that existed, before it festered when they would not talk any longer about those things, those intimate things of body and soul. That way they could at least stay good, if not best, friends.

And reading the minute details of Taekwoon, that Wonshik had learnt to decipher, he was sure that Taekwoon thought the same.

* * *

Those were the things that Wonshik was thinking of, while he was standing next to Taekwoon. And glancing out of the corner of his eye, he read Taekwoon's tiny little details, that told him what was going on in Taekwoon's head. And if Wonshik wasn't mistaken, Taekwoon was also thinking about those days, remembering what they had had and what they had let go.

All that time, since their breakup, Wonshik still had this tiny flame of hope inside of him, in a far away corner of his mind. This tiny flame of hope, that he and Taekwoon could regain what they had lost. Somehow. Someday. Maybe.

But he was never able to find out whether Taekwoon cherished such a flame too, somehwere deep inside of him.  
Maybe...

"Taekwoonie..." Wonshik whispered, while looking at Taekwoon. Wonshik had gained his attention. His full attention. So Wonshik continued, indicating that photograph with a slight movement: "...do you think we can ever go back to that? That we can ever get that back?"

Taekwoon continued looking at Wonshik, before turning his face towards that photograph again. He bit on his lip, and a slight frown appeared. These and other minute signs, indicated to Wonshik, that Taekwoon was thinking, very deep and hard.  
After a little while the biting stopped, and the frown vanished. Taekwoon's face was again back to his stoic self.

A soft whisper floated through the air: "No, Shikkie, ... we can never go back to that."

Wonshik hung his head as he heard that answer, but continued to listen, for usually Taekwoon would explain himself further. And indeed.

Taekwoon continued in that same whispering voice, so soft, you could easily miss it in such a noisy environment like this exhibition. But Wonshik's ears and attention were fully trained on Taekwoon, so he would not miss anything that his friend, his once-upon-a-time lover, would say to him.

"We've had so many other experiences, Shikkie, we've seen and heard many new things. We've learned so many new things. We've done so many new things. We've met so many new people. We've both grown quite a bit further, Shikkie, since that photograph was taken. So ... no..." Even when not seeing it directly, Wonshik could just sense how Taekwoon was facing him again: "... we can never go back to that."

The little flame that Wonshik had inside of him, slowly began to wither and die. The pain of it almost as hurtful as their breakup. For there was no chance for them to be together. Not ever. Not anywhere.

And as if to hammer that realization home, Taekwoon whispered the words:  
"We have left and lost that Do Won Kyung. Forever."

If he could, Wonshik would cry it out, run away, start smashing things, beginning with that framed photograph. But he couldn't. He still was an idol, a figure of public interest, quite well known. A scandal could bring him down and it could bring VIXX down.

But above all, it could bring Taekwoon down.

So no, he couldn't give in to his feelings, although it took all his willpower to do so.

"But maybe ..." whispered words floated again to Wonshik's ears, which caused him to look up, turning his face to Taekwoon, who was still gazing at him with ... something ... in his eyes.

And Taekwoon continued:  
"Maybe someday ... we can somehow find... another Do Won Kyung ... together."

These words... 

The small flame of hope that Wonshik cherished, had been reduced to an almost dead ember, but these words, these soft whispered words were like a breath of air. A breath of air blew softly onto that ember. And that ember became a small flame again.

And that's when Wonshik finally recognized what that 'something' was, that he had seen in Taekwoon's eyes: a similar 'flame': a similar hope, that they could indeed find another Do Won Kyung, someday, somehow, somewhere.

Wonshik could not completely contain himself. He began to smile. And as he watched, he saw that the corners of Taekwoon's lips also tugged up slightly. But then Taekwoon's eyes flicked downwards, as if indicating something, before he turned his gaze towards the photographs again.

Wonshik's look trailed down until he saw Taekwoon's left hand. And his breath hitched. His jaw would have dropped completely open, if he hadn't caught himself.

Down there Taekwoon's hand was, palm facing to the back, slightly bend to Wonshik at the wrist, pinky, ringfinger and thumb folded in, and middle finger and index finger stretched out, as if pointing. It was as if Taekwoon pointed with those two fingers towards Wonshik's shoe. And Wonshik recognized that for what it was.

Their 'finger kiss'.

They could never kiss in public when they had been lovers, but at times even a hug or skinship weren't appropriate either. Therefor they did this, a discrete touch, of only their fingers.

Wonshik aimed his look at the photographs again, but his right hand moved. The palm facing forward, he folded in his pinky, ringfinger and thumb and stretched his middle finger and index finger, as if pointing to Taekwoon's shoes. Carefully he maneuvred his hand so that it was behind the hand of Taekwoon and moved forward until his stretched fingers were touching Taekwoon's.

They held their finger touch for a second. But it was enough. More than enough. Almost bashfully they both retracted their hands and continued gazing at the photographs, seeing nothing.

After a while they regained their senses, and it was Taekwoon's voice who floated through the air first: "Shall we go? I'd like to look at Hyuk's photo's again. I wonder if there's a bull fight picture included somewhere."

"Why? Want to take pointers from the bull, for when Hyuk is throwing you around again?" Wonshik teased in a low rumbling voice.  
Taekwoon smiled. A real smile, a broad one, sprinkled with a hint of naughtiness: "Maybe. Our giant maknae is getting a bit too bratty."

Wonshik saw how Taekwoon stepped away from the photo wall, taking the lead in finding the part of the exhibition dedicated to Hyuk. And he followed him, catching up with Taekwoon in a few strides.

They walked away from that reminder of another time, a lost time, a lost Do Won Kyung. But they would go on, moving forward, so that maybe, somehow, someday, they could find another Do Won Kyung.

Together.


End file.
